Preposterous Cuckoos and Unhinged Dumbassery Part One

Greetings fellow travelers. It has been awhile since I've written anything and I got a bunch of shit bottled up in my poor old noggin that I need to spew out before it explodes like a scene from a Cronenberg movie.

This is the first in a multi part series about silly ass conspiracy theories, Obama haters, and Tea Party whackos. Yeah I know I have several multi part series that only got as far as the first segment. Fuck you.

There are many conspiracies floating around. From Obama to chemtrails, aliens to the Illuminati. So don your foil fedora and let's delve into world of the batshit crazy.

In this day of information at ones fingertips, ignorance is a choice. All one has to do is pick up their goddam cell phone tap the little Google microphone and ask it a fucking question. But if you are of the Tea Party ilk, Google is part of the conspiracy and they had rather remain ignorant or mislead. Short of electroshock therapy, there is nothing that can be done about these people but to point and laugh. And goddam it has been funny lately.

I'm so old, I can remember when the crazy people were pretty much confined to the street corners with their fucking cardboard signs proclaiming that the end was near.

But now, because of Al Gore inventing the fucking Internet, the crazies have gone main stream. The same goddam Internet they think is part of the conspiracy, no less. Thanks Obama.

Couple that with how the bastard Reagan made it popular to hate poor people (even other poor people hate poor people) the rise of AM hate radio and the cocksuckers like Limbaugh and his clones commanding their sheep, Fox “News” with intellectual evolutionary throwbacks like Hannity and O'Rielly, the lunatics now have a commanding voice in society.

These people manage to get elected. This happens because they appeal to the very fucking stupid, the racists, the misogynists, the bigots... you know the southerners.

Corporations found out that they can tap into this and put their puppets into place; just get out there and blame every fucking thing on immigrants and anchor babies, queers and single mothers, the French and abortionists, flag burners and ACORN, welfare queens and government regulations, and the idiots will crawl over broken glass to get to the polls to vote for them.

Let's talk about their hatred for Obama.

Apparently among many things he is supposed to be either a socialist, a commie, or a fascist. Depending on who is saying it, he is sometimes supposed to be all three at once.

The stock market is at an all time high. Corporate profits and CEO salaries are in the fucking stratosphere. Workers rights and wages are at an all time low. If he is a socialist or a commie, he is the worst one ever.

There are hundreds, if not thousands, of anti government websites and publications out there criticizing Obama and calling him all kinds of seditious names. As a fascist dictator that allows them to get away with it, he is the worst fascist dictator ever.

Also he is supposed to be a Muslim. He is pro womens rights, eats bacon, drinks beer, and lets his daughters and wife go outside with their faces uncovered. Worse Muslim ever.

He was born in Kenya, his birth certificate is fake, and he somehow managed to time travel back to early 1960s Hawaii and put his birth announcement in two different newspapers there. To bad he didn't think of giving himself a less radical sounding name when he was busy altering the timeline.

Now he is planning on invading Texas.

No shit. Invading fucking Texas. The stupid on this conspiracy theory burns the skin when it touches it so please be careful handling it.

Keep in mind that this isn't just a handful of nutjobs saying this. The goddamn governor of Texas put the state national guard on alert, apparently to ward off Obama and his army or drones or Klingon shock troops or whatever-the-fuck he plans to invade with.

Just use the Illuminati controlled Google and type in “Jade Helm” for the full story.

In the future, look for Obama to outlaw meat as soon as he confiscates all the guns, force everyone to be a vegetarian and to get gay married, and to get a barcode tattoo printed on your hand or forehead for easier government identification.

This will all probably happen in his third term.

Stay tuned for the next segment. I haven't decided which topic to cover yet. Perhaps Planned Parenthood and its Nazi ties or chemtrails. We'll see.