Sunday, September 12, 2010

Twenty Rules To Die For

“Any fool can make a rule, and any fool will mind it.”
Henry David Thoreau

I've compiled a list of rules that, while may not do you any good, it won't hurt to remember them.
Some I've come up with on my own, some are paraphrased from other sources, and some I imagine belong to someone else entirely.
So feel free to use them anyway you like. Copy them verbatim, modify or expand them, or just stick them up your fucking ass. Anyway you want.
Have a nice day.

1. If you fuck with a fucker, you will get fucked every fucking time.



2. The day you leave home without wearing any underwear is the day a fart will betray you.


3. If you hire someone to work for you and only pay them enough to keep from quitting; they will only work hard enough to keep from getting fired.


4. An asshole that pays his employees minimum wage is only doing it because the law will not allow him to pay them any less.


5. If a fuck up causes a person or corporation to make a profit, look for that fuck up to happen frequently.


6. If you take a Republican at his or her word and you get fucked; you deserve every inch of it.


7. If animals were not meant to be eaten, they would not taste so fucking good. Pine straw, on the other hand, is not meant to be eaten. Take a bite of it and you will see why.


8. Hindsight is 20/20, but Conservative Stupidity is prophetic.


9. Never argue with a Republican. It accomplishes nothing and their breath probably stinks.


10. If you woke up breathing and this seemed surprising, increase the toxin level next time.


11. Cussing makes talking fun. Get over it.


12. When taking a shit in a public mens room, don’t tap your feet. Someone may think you are a Republican looking to give a stranger a blowjob.


13. If your boss pats you on the back, he is probably looking for a soft spot to stick a knife in.


14. Life is like a box of chocolates. It will make you fat and rot out your teeth.


15. If anything can go wrong, it is probably because a Republican had something to do with it.


16. A social conservative HAS to feel that he or she is a victim. Christoid persecution or discrimination for being a white man is usually the prevalent reasons in their delusions.


17. There is nothing harder than a preachers dick.


18. The Golden Rule: He who has the gold will cry about paying taxes on it.


19. You can fool some of the people all of the time, all of the people some of the time, but a social conservative is a fool all of the time.


20. A fool and his money will soon be tithing.

3 comments:

  1. Some great Pearls of Wisdom in there!

    ReplyDelete
  2. So many are so true so much of the time. Miss you!

    ReplyDelete