Tuesday, December 18, 2012

The Fuckit List

Inspired by the Bucket List that many people are keeping, the Fuckit List is my roster of things that I have no longer a desire to do or never intended to do in the first goddam place.
It is ever growing, but here are some of the things in no particular order that I have said Fuckit to so far.

1. Putting up Xmas decorations. Bah-fucking-humbug. The only thing worse than dragging that tangled mess out of the basement or attic and risking breaking your fucking neck putting it up, is taking it all back down. Santa and Baby Jesus can kiss my ass.
2. Seeing a movie starring Emenem or M&M or however the fuck you spell it.
3. Visiting Mexico. If I ever get the desire to visit some third world shithole with a bunch of Spanish jabbering people looking at me suspiciously, I will just drop in at the Tyson chicken processing plant in Baileyton, Al.
4. Snow skiing. Yeah, risk breaking bones while freezing my fucking ass off the whole time.
5. Swimming with the dolphins. Fuck that. You swim with them. I'll watch it on Youtube. Well, honestly, I probably won't do that either. Unless something funny happens. Then maybe.
6. Attending a hip-hop concert. What the fuck is hip-hop anyway? Rap with out the cussing?
7. Attending a Country and Western concert. If ever desire to see a bunch of drunken, yodeling and fiddling rednecks, I'll just go down the street a few blocks from my home.
8. Attending a Professional Wrestling event. See number 7.
9. Eating caviar. Ok. I tried it once. I don't care what anyone says, I think it is a joke someone pulled to see if they could get rich snobs to eat slimy glop. Kind of like the fable of the king with the invisible clothes.
10. Running with the bulls. The stupidity of that activity should be self explanatory. Besides, whenever I have seen it on TV, I always pulled for the bull. Be my luck the bull would score on my fat ass if I got out there now.

Well, that is part of my Fuckit List. I thought about typing some more of them here, but fuck it.