Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Tips for Curtailing Southern Jokes

This pic was sent to me by a friend who lives in Las Vegas, Nevada. Supposedly it was taken outside the Walmart in Gardendale, Alabama. I am sure there are any number of ladies in Las Vegas who look just like this (maybe not as inventive, but just as classy), but it seems that the jokes are always pointed at the South. I read the email, grimaced, and then hit delete. After a while, I began to realize that perhaps my irritation was misplaced, that this shit is really true. I retrieved the email from the trash bin so that I could share some tips. Folks, when you wear something like this out in public, expect to be photographed and paraded like the dumbass that you are. Here are a few simple suggestions so that we, who don’t act like dumbasses in the South, don’t have to be bombarded with the endless forwarded jokes:

1. Don’t take any article of clothing that was meant to cover a man’s ass and craft it into anything else, no good can come of it.

2. Don’t wear something that you wore to Joe’s Biker Bar last night to your Court hearing the next morning. (Connie, I'm talking to you)

3. Don’t drink and drive, and especially, don’t drink and drive while on a lawnmower, a motorboat or a horse.

4. Christmas lights do not belong on satellite dishes, chicken coops or on your pickup truck.

5. A size 6 dress, blouse, or pair of jeans will not fit a size 12 body, something will always hang out and be photographed.

I hope this helps.

No comments:

Post a Comment